The Hazards of Dating Mad Scientists
by elektralyte
Summary: Marron goes on a date and somebody loses their head...literally.


_**The Hazards of Dating Mad Scientists **_

_By elektra12_

_**Disclaimer:** I write for fun, not profit and Dragonball/Z/Gt is owned by Funimation and others. It is not owned by me. Herbert West belongs to HP Lovecraft._

_**Rating:** T/PG-13_

_**Summary:** Second story in a series I'm calling **Marron at Miskatonic U**. The first was "The Exquisitely Doomed Rescue of Marron". Marron goes on a date and somebody loses their head...literally._

_**Warning:** A wee bit icky in places. Sarcastic disembodied heads and such..._

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"I really don't know how I get myself into these situations," Marron complained out loud.

"Maybe you should be more discerning when choosing your dates," a voice from below her suggested.

"Oh hush, you!" She scolded, looking down in the direction from where the voice emanated.

There, on the floor, in a pan of glowing green ooze was the head of her date, Herbert West Jr. He leered up at her and gave a lascivious wink. Marron realized then that he had been staring up her skirt the whole time he was on the floor. She resisted the urge to kick him under the table and rearranged her outfit in a more modest position.

A banging noise startled her. That thing was at it again. Marron frantically searched the room for something which with to bar the door. She settled on propping a chair under the door knob and prayed to Kami that it would hold. With that issue taken care of, she turned her attention back to her "date". She recalled how it all began.

_:Flashback:_

_Marron had agreed to go out with the attractive if somewhat geeky chemistry student. After dinner at the local McDonald's Herbert brought her back to "his place", which was this tiny, messy laboratory located at a remote part of campus. He got a bit too fresh for Marron's liking but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. She was the daughter of a former Z-fighter, after all. Still, it was quite a shock when as she pushed him away, his head came off and fell to the floor with a thud._

_Marron squealed as Herbert's body still continued to try and grope her. She hastily pushed the body out of the lab and locked the door. That was when her date begged in a breathy whisper for her to place his head on a pan of green liquid that was sitting on top of one of the counters. _

_At first she refused, but his head insisted he could help her if she help him first. Marron set the pan on the floor and placed his head in the center of it. Then waited for him to say something. Apparently, the liquid helped him speak. Eew._

_:End Flashback:_

Marron wanted an explanation for all of this. Why wasn't Herbert's head attached to his body like a normal person's? Why did his body continue to function without a head? What was that green liquid anyway? Was this part of some insane experiment gone wrong? It wouldn't be the first time, this was after all Miskatonic U. If she survived, should she report this? Could she transfer? These were all good questions, but unfortunately the thing in the office next door was distracting her with its incessant banging.

"Herbert," she began desperately. "Do you think you could get your body to stop trying to attack me?" 'Ugh, what a weird thing to have to ask...' she thought.

"I don't know dear, it seems to have a mind of its own," he joked with a wheeze.

'Mad scientists think they're so damn funny!' she fumed internally.

"You know what genius? I don't think your body likes _you_ anymore than it likes _me_ right now. So maybe, you should try to think of a way out of this mess!"

With that she slid down to the floor and propped her back against the wall. When she noticed him smirking again she let out an angry huff and vainly tried to pull her skirt over her knees.

Herbert let out a breathy cackle. "Sweetheart, my body likes you a lot. Why do you think it's trying to break down the door? But really, I could think up a thousand ways to get out of this mess and it wouldn't do a bit of good because I'm not too _handy_ anymore."

Marron squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn't going to yell. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction. When she opened her eyes she looked around the cluttered room for something, anything which with to poke him. It was a laboratory after all. Surely there was something sharp and pointy in here?

"Ah ha!" She crowed triumphantly. Underneath the free standing chalkboard she spotted a pointer. That would do the trick! She quickly crawled on her hands and knees to reach the implement, unmindful of the view she was giving Herbert.

"I see London, I see France, I see Marron's under—AAUGH!"

Herbert squealed as Marron, pointer in hand began making stabbing gestures at him.

"Now, wait just a minute Marron," he wheezed in fear. "I think you're getting the wrong idea about me. I really don't mean you any harm..."

Marron lost it then. She began laughing maniacally. With each hitch of her breath she poked him. Interestingly, the body behind the door banged more loudly with each poke. An idea managed to break through the angry haze that clouded her mind. She eyed him suspiciously, stopped poking him and listened instead.

Nothing.

She whacked him on the head.

"OW!" BANG!

Whack, whack, WHACK!

"Ow, ow OW!" He cried out. Bang, bang, BANG! Went the body outside.

She frowned as menacingly as was possible for her. Which, it turned out, wasn't very much. It was sort of cute, really.

"YOU (Whack) ARE (Whack) STILL (Whack) CONTROLLING (Whack) YOUR BODY!" She screamed.

"YES—Ow (Bang) I AM—OW (Bang)! SO—OW—WHAT?" (Bang)

"You! You're just a...jerk. A jerky, jerk! Jerky Jerkerton, jerk!" She pointed out.

"Humph. I guess you showed me. How every will I recover from that scathing attack?"

WHACK!

"Ow bit—" He stopped himself short, just before she hit him again. "Stop that or I won't help you!"

She grabbed his head by the hair and lifted it face level with hers. "Oh you'll help me all right!" She explained with a sneer. The look of fear on Herbert's face was satisfying to her.

Marron dramatically kick the chair away from the door, opened it and met her nemesis head on, er, face to face, um, straight away...

"Tell your body to back off, Herbert!" She demanded.

Herbert made a gesture with his chin and his body held up its hands and backed away slowly. Still, it wasn't quick enough for Marron who began making threatening gestures with the pointer she still held.

"On your knees and put your hands behind your head," she ordered.

His body made a palms up gesture of confusion.

"Oh hell! Put your hands behind your back then!"

The headless body complied. Marron inched her way across the office. She carefully placed Herbert's head down in front of himself and backed out of the door and into the hallway. The body felt around the floor until it found its head. Then, it placed the head awkwardly on its neck and positioned it carefully.

"There!" Herbert exclaimed once his head was in the right place. He gingerly stepped out into the hall, mindful of how unsecured his head rested on his neck.

"Marron, wait please!" He wheezed.

The little blonde was already down the hall and in the elevator when she heard him. She hesitated, then pressed the OPEN button. She supposed she could hear what he had to say, now that she was a safe distance from him.

"What?" 'Freak,' she added silently.

"Can we go out again some time?"

Marron was flabbergasted by his audacity. She gestured, somewhat inappropriately Herbert thought, at him before the elevator door closed.

'I guess that would be a no,' he decided. Feeling a bit dejected, he spun around towards his office door. Unfortunately, he rotated so hard that his head came off and thudded to the floor.

'One of these days,' he mused. 'I'm going to meet a very nice girl. We'll go out, we'll fall in love, and maybe...' he hoped while looking up at his clumsy body.

'Maybe, I won't lose my head over her.'

The End


End file.
